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Just Another Successful Parenting Mission

Juliet was tired. I think. And she was still nursing a cold.

It was just the two of us, lounging around the house on a rainy day. Maddie was at school, due to be picked up in 45 minutes. I began to strategize my next mission.

As any parent, cook or professional jewel thief will tell you, timing is critical in all operations. It is often the key element between a successful souffle and a flop, or a clean getaway and getting nabbed by the fuzz, or even a harmonious home and all out pandemonium. It helps you when you’re in tune with your kids and you can recognize the signs of fatigue, or hunger, or boredom, so that you can prevent any tantrums or breakdowns. Of course, we know that these outbursts are badly needed sometimes by little ones who need to vent feelings that they do not understand. Hell, let’s face it, I’m the same way. But keeping the drama to a minimum is often important to the mental health of said parent, who is rushing to quell several small emotional emergencies each day.

So where were we? Oh yes, Juliet was lagging. My usual method of strolling her to sleep was out due to the weather.  She doesn’t fall asleep this way in less than 30 minutes anyhow, cutting it too close for my liking. I considered my next option. Although she is 14 months of age now, more toddler than baby, we still load her in a pouch from time to time and wear her around the house like some human-kangaroo hybrid, sans the leaping. Add to that a darkened room and a CD entitled Sounds for Silence (“Blended and layered sounds to distract, engage and soothe unsettled babies”) and you’ve got yourself a fine recipe for nodding off. Well, for Juliet anyways. We all know that every baby is different. We became motivated early in on in Juliet’s life to find a way to sooth her on account of the colic. It took us many attempts before we hit on the right combination, a customized made-to-order solution that we were frankly quite proud of, as it has undoubtedly saved us from innumerable hours of moaning and crying. Once again, however, the timing of this procedure came into question. If Juliet was still asleep when we needed to hop into the car, the transfer from pouch to car seat would most certainly wake her, and she would not be happy. I know this to be true.

I was left with my third and final option – driving her to sleep, old school style. Well, old school to me anyways. This was my method of choice during Maddie’s early years – a slow, winding drive through the nearby hills. It usually happened on the tail end of running some errands. As we approached our street I would glance back to check on her status. If she appeared sleepy I would just keep going, zooming by our neighborhood. If not sleepy, then home it was. This all worked fine until she began to recognize our street, becoming highly distraught when I would just blow on by.

These thoughts came to me like a dream as I loaded Juliet into the car. All of this felt so familiar, yet it was different now. Different car, different child, different me. Definitely different child. While Maddie had succumbed easily to the lulling movement of the auto, Juliet has been curiously resistant to the magic. In fact, she HATES the car seat. We have taken her on a few long road trips and she has successfully  fought off sleep every time, with a mighty will and exhausting bouts of back arching and crying.

So it is with some trepidation that I set off on down the road. I whistled nervously.

“OK Juliet, here we go!” I flashed a half-hearted smile. She looked back suspiciously.

As we began to wind our way past farms with open fields, I turned on the heat and the CD player. Sounds for Silence began to play, tunes that shall evermore be ingrained in my mind. Whenever I hear it now I instantly go into a trance, its hypnotic allure too powerful for the likes of me. I haven’t fallen asleep at the wheel yet, but it is awfully relaxing. And when the whole family is riding along, well, look out. It’s non stop excitement as we all begin to nod off in unison. Under these conditions, and given our wacky sensibility, we have dubbed our vehicle The Wombmobile.

After about a mile I checked on Juliet. Her eyes were closing! And with 5 minutes to go until the Maddie Pickup. Yes! I turned the car around and headed back. Cows and horses turned their heads as we passed, wondering, no doubt, about the jubilant driver and the odd sounds emanating from this speeding vehicle. I pulled up to Maddie’s school and parked just outside the gate. She emerged with her classmates a minute later. I went to meet her and led her back to the car. Soon we were home.

Just another successful parenting mission. I love it when a plan comes together. (cue A-Team music)

Dad Books

With the holidays fast approaching, here are some nifty books that you might want to consider for that favorite son or daughter of yours. What’s that? Christmas is over?

Damn.

And I started this entry WEEKS ago. Guess that is what happens when you have another baby (now we have two girls, Maddie (4 years) and Juliet (5 weeks). Really, nothing gets done. It’s like moving in slow motion. So, I get a sentence in here, a word in there, slowly, methodically constructing my blog entry over the course of a month. More on this in a future post (can you say twenty-eleven)…

OK, so where were we? Oh yes, a fun book you should buy. Would make a nice gift for Groundhog Day.

There are currently several books on the market that cover the stay-at-home daddy world. Some of my favorites include…

The Daddy Shift by Jeremy Adam Smith
Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden
The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year by Armin A. Brott

and a few books by Po Bronson.

But there are a scant number of children’s books devoted to the subject, which is what makes “Daddy Does The Dishes and other Daddy deeds” such a fresh and fun new addition to the world of parenting literature. It is cleverly written by Kori Reed, the wife of stay-at-home dad Mike Becker, and wonderfully illustrated by Kori’s sister Kendra Reed. There are two other books in the series, “My Daddy Can Touch The Moon” and “My Daddy is Supersillious”, with others on the way, all published by ReedFamilyBooks. Really, this book celebrates all fatherhood, not just sahd fatherhood.

Check it out!

Baby Juliet

I would be remiss in my role of father if I didn’t mention here that we JUST HAD ANOTHER BABY GIRL! WOO HOO!

Juliet, born November 28th, 2009, at 9:27am. She weighed in at 7lbs 2oz. (yes, I’m finally posting this 3 weeks later…it’s been a little busy…read on)

We are nesting now, hard core. Everything is all fuzzy and warm. Day melts into night, then back into day again. When did someone drape a wet, heavy rug on my head? Because that’s what it feels like to me. I am exhausted all of the time. I go to bed tired. I wake up tired. I feel like I’m back in a college pulling all-nighters, only I’m older now and not as spry on the rebound. I have an odd inkling that I’m in a sleep deprivation study, permanently. Is this the next stage in parenthood?

I’m more forgetful now. I keep paying bills twice. It’s even crazier now because of Christmas. I’ve been running around trying to be as efficient as before and deluding myself that I can do it. I almost can. But I feel things slipping away. I’m losing my grip.

The difference this time is that we already have a daughter, who’s now 4. She needs to be fed still, and clothed, and paid attention to. I’m trying to involve her in Baby Juliet’s life, but it’s hard. Their world’s are so far away from each other.

And then Maddie and I still have to go out into the world, the real world, which seems so fast and loud and dirty and cold. How can anyone survive out there?

We hurry home to our nest. We are lucky.

This will be a Christmas to remember. Or not. What day is it again?

Through The Looking Glass: Part III

alice_through_the_looking_glassI would jump in front of a speeding car to save my daughter’s life. I say this with no hesitation and with a really powerful conviction which surprises, and, frankly, scares the hell out of me. Where does this feeling come from? I experienced it from day one with Maddie, when I hardly knew her. To think, I would sacrifice my own life for that of a tiny little  stranger.

I knew when our daughter was born that I would be taking care of her a lot. I prepared as much as I could. I read all the books I could find, talked to other parents. I knew this would be a huge responsibility. This small creature would be completely dependent on me, for food, for shelter, for warmth, for moving about. Her life was, literally, in my hands.

What I didn’t consider, and what I slowly came to realize, was that MY LIFE was in HER hands as well. This was a two way street. While I was busy nurturing this baby and helping her develop into a little girl, she was doing the same for me, helping me evolve into the father I am today.  She has taught me patience, empathy, and honesty. My intentions have become much clearer, my resolve much stronger, my energy more focused. She keeps me grounded and present. She has helped define me as a person and shown me what I care for most deeply in life.

We are connected on so many different levels and we affect each others behavior. My view of the world has changed.

This is what has surprised and delighted me the most about becoming a parent.

And to think, she’s accomplished all this and she’s only 4…

For Juliet

We are going to have another baby girl, Juliet. She is due December 1st, 2009.

This is for her:

A gentle quiet descends upon the house

the still air stirs softly

and all the remote sounds of the city seem magically

compressed and muted

as if this

was the center

of the universe.

I am in the belly of the beast

the eye of the hurricane

the navel of the world

where all existence turns

to listen

to the faint yet steady heartbeat

of hope.

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