• past dadda posts

    May 2013
    M T W T F S S
    « May    
     12345
    6789101112
    13141516171819
    20212223242526
    2728293031  

The Secret Society of Parents: Lost

Sometimes I like to think of parenting as an episode of Lost, which is how I feel most of the time:

Think of a mysterious island inhabited entirely by a tribe of parents. None of them are really sure how they got there. They do their best to survive using what little skills they have. Some will adapt quickly, others more slowly. They will all learn new methods of cooking, cleaning, shopping, packing, organizing, soothing, inspiring, empathizing. They will learn how to eat quickly, with either hand, while washing the dishes and holding a baby. They will grow stronger, both physically and mentally.

As time passes and hope for rescue grows dim, a society begins to form. A SECRET society, operating invisibly to the rest of the world, in which the wisdom of the ancients is passed on from elder to child through story and song. Small clans break off from the main body, held together by the shared interests of their children.

Some, desperate for information, will leave the safety of the tribe to search the island for a handbook on parenting, a magical text that is said to contain all the knowledge of generations past. They will scour the jungle for this fabled tome, eventually realizing that it does not exist. Along the way, however, they will gather weathered old books and magazines washed up along the shore, and will begin to piece together a rudimentary method of defining themselves.

A computer room is discovered in a small underground bomb shelter where access to the internet gleans more parenting information from the mainland. They soon become inundated with too much advertising and must sever their connection.

They soon realize that there is no easy way off this island, and that they must each walk their own path. Only by suffering first hand will they truly learn what it means to be A PARENT.

One day they will be rescued and will all be integrated back into the main body of civilization. But they will all realize that their experience on the island has changed them in ways they are still struggling to understand. They have evolved somehow. They will then spend the rest of their lives gathering information and watching for signs, preparing for the day when they can share their experience on the island with the rest of society. And the world will become a better place.

Roll credits.

Of Books, Blogs, & Babies

Keeping up with all the new parenting blogs and books out there can be a full-time job in itself!

Here are a few that I’ve found recently and enjoyed…

blogs

Cry It Out
Pacing The Panic Room
Backpacking Dad
The Busy Dad Blog
A Dad’s Life

books

What I Would Tell Her

Equally Shared Parenting

movies

The Evolution of Dad

And finally, a Daddy/Daughter clip from YouTube. This was sent to me as an obvious marketing ploy, but I couldn’t help but fall in love with it. The little girl reminds me A LOT of my own daughter. And I think their version is MUCH BETTER than the original! See what you think…

Happy Father’s Day

To all the father’s of the world, past, present, and future: HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!

And to my very own dad: Thank you for being such a good friend and positive influence. You constantly inspire me and make me proud to be your son.

Now, take a look at this…

Evolution of Dad – Introduction from Evolution of Dad on Vimeo.

The Perfect Father’s Day Gift

With Father’s Day fast approaching (Sunday, June 20th – how’s THAT for planning ahead!) check out the latest trailer from The Evolution of Dad, a new documentary coming out on Dad’s Day this year. Thanks to Rebel Dad for pointing this out.

Through The Looking Glass: Part III

alice_through_the_looking_glassI would jump in front of a speeding car to save my daughter’s life. I say this with no hesitation and with a really powerful conviction which surprises, and, frankly, scares the hell out of me. Where does this feeling come from? I experienced it from day one with Maddie, when I hardly knew her. To think, I would sacrifice my own life for that of a tiny little  stranger.

I knew when our daughter was born that I would be taking care of her a lot. I prepared as much as I could. I read all the books I could find, talked to other parents. I knew this would be a huge responsibility. This small creature would be completely dependent on me, for food, for shelter, for warmth, for moving about. Her life was, literally, in my hands.

What I didn’t consider, and what I slowly came to realize, was that MY LIFE was in HER hands as well. This was a two way street. While I was busy nurturing this baby and helping her develop into a little girl, she was doing the same for me, helping me evolve into the father I am today.  She has taught me patience, empathy, and honesty. My intentions have become much clearer, my resolve much stronger, my energy more focused. She keeps me grounded and present. She has helped define me as a person and shown me what I care for most deeply in life.

We are connected on so many different levels and we affect each others behavior. My view of the world has changed.

This is what has surprised and delighted me the most about becoming a parent.

And to think, she’s accomplished all this and she’s only 4…

For The Love Of LEGO

I’ve always loved LEGO‘s. As a child I would play with them for hours, creating all manner of fantastic construction.

Maddie at a recent LEGO exhibit.

Maddie at a recent LEGO exhibit.

When I became a dad to a little baby girl, I never would have imagined that, in a few years, we would be playing together with those same LEGO’S! (literally – I had my collection stored in our garage). It is such a thrill to see my daughter building her fanciful houses and cars out of the very same plastic blocks that I once held in my small, boyish hands. There is something deeply satisfying about it, as if we are part of some natural cycle in a LEGO universe.

It is even more surprising to me because, well, she’s a girl. Strangely enough, the notion that girls play with dolls and boys build with blocks has only increased in credibility the more I learn about the parenting world. I thought the phrase “boys will be boys” was just an empty, lazy explanation. But I’m finding out that it’s TRUE…boys WILL be boys and girls WILL be girls. There are inherent patterns of behavior for both sexes. And so, yes, my daughter’s room is PINK…it’s cute, it’s girly, and it’s pink. There is some truth behind the stereotypes and it has been a little disappointing to my liberal mindset, a sad recognition that perhaps my parents were right, and their parents before them, and that much of what I’m about to write has already been written. *sigh*

Maddie's creation

Maddie's creation

But now maybe you can see why I am so excited that Maddie loves LEGO’S! I am thrilled beyond belief that we share a love of building and playing. My creations now are more conservative and refined, hers are chaotic and spectacular.

Maybe someday I’ll build her a LEGO house, and we’ll talk over a LEGO phone about how much we adore LEGO’s.

Or maybe she’ll just move on to something else, like Princess Barbie, and she’ll forget all about her LEGO days…until we open that dusty box in the garage…and then we’ll both smile.

LEGO Links

Through The Looking Glass: Part II

So I’ve stepped through the portal. I’ve been a parent now for 3 1/2 years, and I’m still alive to tell the tale.

It really doesn’t seem like that long ago. But then I blinked. And now, here we are, about to have another baby girl (Juliet: due 12/1).

When I became a parent, I changed.  Literally. Like Bruce Banner transforming into The Incredible Hulk. Only I didn’t grow into a green and bulky monster (which was my first wish). No, I have morphed into a mild mannered and caring father with amazing new parenting superpowers, like EMPATHY and PATIENCE. I have learned the art of just BEING THERE for my daughter, simply bearing witness to her struggles. It has been a difficult and painful journey of evolutionary change and  has stretched my emotional range beyond my imagination. As a parent I have felt SO sad at times, so frustrated, so dejected. I have also felt SO happy, so joyful and content.An Incredible Dad

When I first heard our baby girl cry I thought, “Awww, how cute.” followed closely by “OK, I’m out of here!” I could not take it. It was torture to be in the same room. I wanted to run as far away as possible. But as a stay-at-home dad, I did not have the luxury of just handing her back to mom. Mom was at work. My daughter needed me.

The crying no longer bothers me. I let it all flow over me while I remain present for her. I tell her everything will be ok, that I’m sorry she feels the way she does. I no longer scramble to make things “better” for her or try a quick fix by offering her a treat. We simply share the moment. And I wait. Because I know this too shall pass. Until the next time.

And now I wonder what new super powers await as I become a parent of two…

Through The Looking Glass: Part I

alice_through_the_looking_glassI wonder if I’ve been changed in the night?  Let me think:  was I the same when I got up this morning?  I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.  But if I’m not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I?  Ah, that’s the great puzzle!
-Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland

It’s an amazing thing, becoming a parent.

When my wife was pregnant with Maddie, before I had become, offically, a “dad”, I sensed changes were coming. I KNEW changes were coming, because that’s what everyone was saying. We were getting advice from friends and family. We were researching every night, reading books, scouring the internet, taking classes, asking complete strangers (with children, of course), what was it like? How do we prepare?

We stood in awe in the middle of Babies R Us, mesmerized by the vast display of baby equipment. It’s only a little tiny person…how can we need all this stuff? We compared baby bottles, test drove strollers, examined diaper bags, collected small plastic utensils, analyzed toys, …This was HUGE. No doubt about it, our lives were about to change dramatically. And I don’t just mean a sudden lack of sleep, or spit-up stains appearing on our shirts, or our mouths uttering strange, garbled sounds like,”gootchie gootchie goo!”

No, beyond all the fun, new furniture, and the cute, tiny clothes, I could sense a fundamental shift coming in who I WAS.

I stood before the looking glass, about to step through, never to look back again. I was about to transform into something different.

I was about to evolve.

Evolution of Dad

I saw this video clip on a recent entry over at Rebel Dad. It’s interesting, and has me wondering if we are, in fact, evolving, us dads. Here is Dr. Kyle Pruett in an excerpt from the documentary-in-progress The Evolution of Dad:

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.