“Hello. My name is David and my daughter likes…gulp…Kidz Bop.”
This is how I imagined myself, standing alone at the front of class, admitting this ugly truth to my peers, like some surreal AA meeting for bad parents.
It all started innocently enough with a sampler CD acquired by one Grandpa Bob from McDonald’s. Looking back, I guess I should have been suspicious right there. I mean, when I think of quality music, a fast food chain is not the first thing that springs to mind. Nor even the second.
So we play the CD in the car and Maddie really likes it. She laughs. “Play it again! Play it again!” OK. It’s fun and new and kind of catchy. Popular cover songs sung by anonymous teens with a chorus of kids. We cycle through the 5-song playlist a few times. It is around the third playing that I start to feel the hairs on the back of my neck actually bristle. My left eye twitches. It is an ill wind that cannot bode well.
It started out as a fun and fresh take on mediocre music. But it was all a clever marketing illusion. Now, every song sounds the same to me, relentlessly cheerful.
This whole experience wouldn’t have been so painful if Maddie’s favorite tune wasn’t Party Like A Rockstar. Yep. Totally dude.
I had heard this song on the radio once or twice before and had quickly changed the channel. I don’t like it. Nothing personal, mind you, just not my cup of tea.
Now, there I was, suddenly stuck in a really bad music video, cruising down the boulevard in our Toyota Camry at 10mph as Maddie is singing along in the back seat. “Louder, daddy!” she squeals. “Party like a rock star,” the Kidz Bop chorus chants through the car speakers, over and over. They seem to be everywhere. All we need now are hydraulic shocks so we can bust a move.
Over the next few weeks we check out more Kidz Bop CD’s from the library. I find their website and discover that they are up to #17. Wow. That’s more than the Friday the 13th sequels.
I hope that this is all just a passing phase for Maddie, much like Air Supply was for me.
One final note: Having said all that, they have an album called The Coolest Kidz Bop Christmas Ever! which is actually quite enjoyable…