To all the father’s of the world, past, present, and future: HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!
And to my very own dad: Thank you for being such a good friend and positive influence. You constantly inspire me and make me proud to be your son.
Now, take a look at this…
Evolution of Dad – Introduction from Evolution of Dad on Vimeo.
Filed under: Engaged, Evolution, Father's Day, Parenting | Tagged: dad, daddy, Evolution, father, Father's Day, parent, Parenting | 1 Comment »
Every once in awhile a commercial comes along that really moves me…
Filed under: Parenting, Seatbelt, Television | Tagged: dad, father, kids, parent, Parenting, Television | 4 Comments »
I usually tell Maddie a story at bath time.
I ask her who she wants the main character to be and she picks out one of her bath toys. For a while we were re-enacting Dora the Explorer episodes.
Tonight was a little different. She wanted me to talk about when I was a boy and how I won the spelling bee. This never happened in real life, but Maddie thought it would make a good story.
And so I began to weave the tale of how I found myself in the finals of the State Spelling Bee. I asked Maddie what she thought the first word should be.”key”, she replied. OK, so we spelled it out on the side of the bathtub using her foam letters.
I had made it to the next round! “What should the word be this time, Maddie?” “cake” ok, cake. Again, we spelled it out.
Two more rounds to go! The words are getting harder! “What’s next?”
“emotion” Maddie responded. OK, I repeated, “emotion”.
Huh? And right there and then I did an actual DOUBLE TAKE.
I asked her to say it again, just to be sure. “emotion” she said, slowly trying to sound it out.
Wow, ok, emotion. We spelled it out, using the “q” as the second “o”.
I had made it to the final round. The word was “shame”, which we again spelled out on the side of the tub.
I should have been impressed with that last word as well, but to be honest, I was still a little stunned from that sudden jump: “cake” to “emotion”. Not something I expected to hear from a preschooler, that’s all.
It is small moments like these, so pure, so utterly random and surprising, so astounding, that make parenting such a joy.
Filed under: Engaged, Parenting, spelling | Tagged: SAHD, Parenting, father, at home dad, daddy, dad, kids, stay-at-home dad, parent, spelling, bath, stories | 1 Comment »
Maddie: Come on, dad, let’s play!
Me: Not now, Maddie, I’m working on my blog.
[rim shot]
Normally I’m a huge fan of irony*.
But not in this case.
I pride myself on being an engaged parent. But, to be honest, it’s been tough lately. Mainly because we have a 5-month old baby, Juliet, in the house now, and I’m also in job-search mode. So, this all equals less time for one very needy 4 1/2 year old, Madeleine Sue, who has been given all the time in the world up to now. Big changes are afoot, and we are all feeling the growing pains.
Admittedly, we have been extremely lucky. We have been able to live off the income of one parent while the other stays home, mostly, to raise our daughter. We have had family support, financially, emotionally, and physically. We have attended regular family counseling sessions. How anyone can live in the Bay Area without some from of support is beyond me.
But now I’m feeling some of the pressure that so many families feel…I need to find a job. Hence my stress and my quick replies to my daughter lately.
I have enjoyed the past 4 1/2 years tremendously. Now, this chapter in our lives is ending. It’s scary, and hard to let go, but I am excited about the future.
It’s important, now more than ever, to be aware of all those small moments in the day when my daughter seeks connection. She must know that I will still be there for her. To be her dad is, after all, the best job in the world.
*to help those of us who are irony-impaired, let me elaborate. Picture a dad working on his blog, who’s sole purpose it is to celebrate fatherhood with amusing and touching stories of engaging with your children, then mumbling something a la W.C.Fields - “Get out of here, kid, you’re botherin’ me” – to his daughter, who is gently tugging on his shirt, like some poor little orphan girl. Now THAT’S irony, folks!
Filed under: Blog, Engaged, Irony, Parenting, SAHD | Tagged: SAHD, Parenting, father, at home dad, daddy, dad, kids, stay-at-home dad, girl, Juliet, irony, blog | 2 Comments »
Maddie and I were at Jiffy Lube the other day, where I was reminded that being a parent can have its perks.
I had planned this trip for a few days, a
nd I was determined to carry it out. Even if something unexpected were to happen, like, say, oh I don’t know, Maddie FALLING ASLEEP ON THE WAY THERE. One moment she was chatting away, the next, BOOM, out like a light. This caught me way off guard because she rarely takes naps these days, she being the ripe old age of 4 1/2.
So there I was, driving like a zombie with Maddie snoozing in the back seat, unable to think of an alternate plan. That’s been happening a lot lately, by the way. Maybe because we have a 5 month old baby in the house. My brain can handle one big event each day, then it shuts down and just sits there, slowly humming and churning in hibernation mode.
I pulled into Jiffy Lube with a big dumb grin on my face, feeling successful, and vaguely wondering if they would notice the little girl sleeping in the back seat. Now, normally I would have let her sleep, but GOD DAMN IT I had been planning this trip for days and I had actually remembered the coupon this time and do you know how hard it is to find an open window of time to do this and I’m not sure when the next opportunity will be could be another week and you know this car is overdue for a tune-up…
Suddenly my door was opening. A young Jiffy Lube mechanic guy stood there.
“Hi, here for our signature service oil change, sir?”
“Why yes, yes I am,” I smiled.
We both looked in the back seat. I expected him to turn on me, to loudly expose and shame me. What kind of parent are you, bringing your sleeping child to an oil change?!
Instead he just motioned me inside.
“Umm, ok, I’ll be right back!” I rushed inside and knew that the gig was up. I would have to wake poor Maddie up, and she does not wake well, as they say. Sigh.
And then, the heavens opened up and there before me stood an angel. Or, a mom, actually. With a Jiffy Lube patch on her shirt. She ran through the service list with me, as they always do. And then she asked if I wanted to sit in the car with my daughter while they worked on it. Huh? Really? Oh yes, happens all the time. You could see it in her eyes, that parental empathy. What she was saying was, go ahead, I got your back. I didn’t see her wink, but it was as if she had.
So there I sat, reading the newspaper in the front seat of my car, Maddie gently snoring behind me, and Jiffy Lube employees hovering around the outside with all manner of pneumatic gear.
We are everywhere, us parents, in some of the most unexpected places. A vast underground network, invisible and all seeing. If you’re still for a moment you can hear the low murmur of our intention, and realize that the world is being driven by our needs. How wonderful it is to be a part of this secret society of parents.
Filed under: Jiffy Lube, Parenting | Tagged: at home dad, dad, daddy, father, Jiffy Lube, kids, oil change, parent, Parenting, SAHD, stay-at-home dad | 2 Comments »
Another dad shouted these words out at Maddie’s soccer class last weekend.
“Come on, you need to get your head in the game!”
I looked over at who he was yelling at, his daughter, who was coming off the field in tears. She was probably 4, the same age as Maddie.
‘Really?’ I thought. ‘You have GOT to be kidding me?!’
Maybe he was just being funny. I glanced over again. Nope, we has serious. He was berating his 4-year old for not having what it takes.
Maddie had to go pee so I walked with her to the bathroom, still dazed.
We passed by other fields where groups of moms and dads could be heard screaming encouragement at their sons and daughters. We come here every Saturday, to a giant warehouse housing several indoor soccer fields. A factory churning out little athletes, fueled by the hopes and dreams of their parents.
Part of me could relate – the part that wants desperately to be out there on the field. Soccer has always been my game. When we introduced it to Maddie I was eager to share my skills and knowledge with her. Sometimes my enthusiasm overwhelms her, and I have to constantly remind myself that this is HER life. I want her to explore and discover on her own, and guide her in as light a manner as possible. It scares me, the power we have as parents. I am constantly evaluating what influence I have on my daughter, both positive and negative.
We return to our field and Maddie runs out to her class, which is 45 minutes long. That’s 30 minutes too long, in her book. She can dribble and pass and shoot with the best of them. But then she gets tired. I don’t push her. Like I said, she’s only 4. She’s really just here for the ice cream (shhhh…don’t tell anyone!)
I sit down next to the other parents who are sitting along benches, peering through the safety glass at their children. There is a twitchiness in the air. For most of us it is a new feeling, watching our kids from afar. Up to now it has been a shared experience, parent and child doing something together. I can see their pride in their faces. And I know they all feel the same thing I do, an empty uneasiness and distant fear, as our children practice independence out there on the field. All we can do is watch. And shout things, like “Get your head in the game!”
I suppose, as a parent, you get better at this too, with practice. Letting go, yet needing them to return.
And as children, growing, looking over for help less and less often.
Just knowing that someone is there, watching from behind the glass or on the sidelines, cheering you on, becomes enough.
Filed under: Engaged, Parenting, Soccer, Sports | Tagged: dad, father, girl, independence, kids, parent, Parenting, Soccer | 4 Comments »
I have never been more aware of TIME than I have as a parent.
It has become more intimate to me, like an old friend. I have seen how it can change, moment to moment. I understand its’ need to march on.
There I am, on the playground, helping Maddie, now 2, navigate the play structures. She is hesitant, curious, so NEW to it all. Other children rush by, so loud and clumsy. I worry about them trampling my young daughter. They touch her, to help, to play, and I go on high alert, wary of their influence. I wonder where the parents are, appalled at their lack of supervision.
And then, I BLINK, and I am on the other side. We are at the very same park. Maddie, now 4, runs across the sand. She stops to help a toddler off the slide. The mother is there, smiling, but nervous, scanning the play area. I know she is looking for me, the unseen parent, safely ensconced on my bench, my iPhone in hand.
There I am, in our bedroom, holding my 3 month old daughter, Juliet, content and peaceful, listening to the world spin outside.
I BLINK and I am suddenly in the car, racing to pick up Maddie from preschool. Racing to the grocery store. Racing to her soccer class. Making dinner. Giving her a bath. Reading books. I do not notice when night falls anymore, but I know it will happen, and I am not surprised when I look out and see the moon instead of the sun.
I cherish the still moments of the day now, and appreciate any TIME that is given to me.
All I need is 5 minutes…to do a load of laundry, or wash the dishes, or pay some bills, or take out the trash, or read the newspaper, or mow the lawn, or hang a picture, or check email. I have learned to chip away at tasks. Maddie’s playhouse is about halfway complete, built entirely in 20 minute intervals. I have been working on it for 2 years now.
Having an hour…Wow. I cannot even conceive of this notion. My mind overheats.
I think about the future a lot and I try to prepare.
I think about the past a lot, too, with a warm fondness and a deeper appreciation.
All I can do is play along and hope that TIME is kind to me.
Filed under: Parenting, Time | Tagged: dad, daddy, father, kids, parent, Parenting, Time | 10 Comments »
“Hello. My name is David and my daughter likes…gulp…Kidz Bop.”
This is how I imagined myself, standing alone at the front of class, admitting this ugly truth to my peers, like some surreal AA meeting for bad parents.
It all started innocently enough with a sampler CD acquired by one Grandpa Bob from McDonald’s. Looking back, I guess I should have been suspicious right there. I mean, when I think of quality music, a fast food chain is not the first thing that springs to mind. Nor even the second.
So we play the CD in the car and Maddie really likes it. She laughs. “Play it again! Play it again!” OK. It’s fun and new and kind of catchy. Popular cover songs sung by anonymous teens with a chorus of kids. We cycle through the 5-song playlist a few times. It is around the third playing that I start to feel the hairs on the back of my neck actually bristle. My left eye twitches. It is an ill wind that cannot bode well.
It started out as a fun and fresh take on mediocre music. But it was all a clever marketing illusion. Now, every song sounds the same to me, relentlessly cheerful.
This whole experience wouldn’t have been so painful if Maddie’s favorite tune wasn’t Party Like A Rockstar. Yep. Totally dude.
I had heard this song on the radio once or twice before and had quickly changed the channel. I don’t like it. Nothing personal, mind you, just not my cup of tea.
Now, there I was, suddenly stuck in a really bad music video, cruising down the boulevard in our Toyota Camry at 10mph as Maddie is singing along in the back seat. “Louder, daddy!” she squeals. “Party like a rock star,” the Kidz Bop chorus chants through the car speakers, over and over. They seem to be everywhere. All we need now are hydraulic shocks so we can bust a move.
Over the next few weeks we check out more Kidz Bop CD’s from the library. I find their website and discover that they are up to #17. Wow. That’s more than the Friday the 13th sequels.
I hope that this is all just a passing phase for Maddie, much like Air Supply was for me.
One final note: Having said all that, they have an album called The Coolest Kidz Bop Christmas Ever! which is actually quite enjoyable…
Peace out.
Filed under: Music, Parenting, SAHD | Tagged: at home dad, dad, daddy, father, Music, parent, Parenting, SAHD, stay-at-home dad | 2 Comments »
With Father’s Day fast approaching (Sunday, June 20th – how’s THAT for planning ahead!) check out the latest trailer from The Evolution of Dad, a new documentary coming out on Dad’s Day this year. Thanks to Rebel Dad for pointing this out.
Filed under: Evolution, Father's Day, Film, Parenting, SAHD | Tagged: at home dad, dad, daddy, Evolution, father, Father's Day, movies, parent, Parenting, SAHD, stay-at-home dad | Leave a Comment »
With the holidays fast approaching, here are some nifty books that you might want to consider for that favorite son or daughter of yours. What’s that? Christmas is over?
Damn.
And I started this entry WEEKS ago. Guess that is what happens when you have another baby (now we have two girls, Maddie (4 years) and Juliet (5 weeks). Really, nothing gets done. It’s like moving in slow motion. So, I get a sentence in here, a word in there, slowly, methodically constructing my blog entry over the course of a month. More on this in a future post (can you say twenty-eleven)…
OK, so where were we? Oh yes, a fun book you should buy. Would make a nice gift for Groundhog Day.
There are currently several books on the market that cover the stay-at-home daddy world. Some of my favorites include…
• The Daddy Shift by Jeremy Adam Smith
• Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden
• The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year by Armin A. Brott
and a few books by Po Bronson.
But there are a scant number of children’s books devoted to the subject, which is what makes “Daddy Does The Dishes and other Daddy deeds” such a fresh and fun new addition to the world of parenting literature. It is cleverly written by Kori Reed, the wife of stay-at-home dad Mike Becker, and wonderfully illustrated by Kori’s sister Kendra Reed. There are two other books in the series, “My Daddy Can Touch The Moon” and “My Daddy is Supersillious”, with others on the way, all published by ReedFamilyBooks. Really, this book celebrates all fatherhood, not just sahd fatherhood.
Check it out!
Filed under: Baby, Books, Parenting | Tagged: at home dad, Books, dad, daddy, father, gift, Parenting, reading, SAHD, stay-at-home dad | 10 Comments »
